Everyone hates Goldfur: A funnyfic
by Mewkitcat
Summary: Goldfur, an annoying Sunclan she cat, believes she's the best cat alive. She's the best at everything and always helps the other cats when they're doing everything wrong. Little does she know how the rest of her clan feels about her.
1. Chapter 1

**Note: This is a trollfic! Everyone can flame all they want! If you somehow happen to enjoy it I may add more chapters. Please comment what you think because I'm super bored!**

 **Also I didn't purposely misspell words because that drives me insane and I couldn't handle if I wrote this in terrible spelling.**

 **Enjoy this terrible thing.**

 _Once there was an annoying cat named Goldfur. Everyone hated (and still does hate) her because she is the worst character ever. She was a Sunclan warrior once, but that didn't go so well. Let's have a look shall we._

"Hi Grayfur!" Goldfur says.

"Oh brother. What is it?"

"I just want to ask you something."

"Which is?"

"Do you like me?"

"No. You're such a Mary Sue."

"No I am not!"

"Why do you win every fight? Why are you naturally good at everything? Why do you think everyone likes you? If you ask me I think Mary Sues like you are boring and annoying snobs who think they're better than everyone else."

"Well I didn't ask you. You're such a meanie."

"I guess it takes one to know one."

"Well I'm going to be leader one day and I'm not going to pick you to be my deputy."

"If you didn't notice I'm already deputy."

"Not for long. I'm going to be leader soon and I'm going to banish you."

"Good luck with that."

 _Goldfur suddenly has the best idea in the world. *note the sarcasm* She's going to see her non Mary Sue sister's kits._

"Hi Snowpelt! Did you name one of your kits after me?" Goldfur asks excitedly.

"Well I would but none of them are gold. I'm naming the tom Icekit and the she cat Ivykit."

"Eww Ivykit looks weird. I hate her."

"You haven't even met her yet you mousebrain! And don't call my kits weird! They are your niece and nephew you know."

"I'm an aunt? That's so weird I don't like that."

"Well you're going to have to deal with it."

"I'm leaving."

"Good. I hope you don't come back to visit."

 _Wait I lied. What she does next is the best idea in the world. *Note the sarcasm*_

"Hey Froststar! Can I be leader now?" Goldfur asks hopefully.

"No! I have 3 lives left for one thing and second, if I died my place would be taken by Grayfur."

"Why did you pick him? He's such a meanie and so are you!"

"You better shut up about my deputy and I before I banish you from this clan."

"Woah jeez. Someone needs to control their temper."

"That's it! I don't want to see your disgusting face ever again! Get out of this clan!"

"You can't banish me! I'm the best fighter, hunter, and tracker this clan has ever seen. I'm also the most beautiful!"

"You forgot the most annoying. Everyone hates you, do you know that? You always insist on correcting everyone and whenever you make a mean comment about someone you think it's okay! You don't care about anyone but yourself!"

"Mark my words you will miss me and you'll be begging for me to come back as soon as I step out of the camp."

 _To Goldfur's disappointment no Sunclan cat wanted her to come back. In fact, all the clan cheered when she was gone. Everyone could finally breathe without having Goldfur instruct them on how to do it properly. The clan was finally free from a burden that they couldn't get rid of for moons._


	2. Chapter 2

**Wow I can't believe people are actually enjoying it. Cool.**

 **I don't own Warriors by the way.**

 **I guess this is less of a trollfic and more of a funnyfic.**

 **I don't know if funnyfic is a word but who cares.**

"I'm so upset." Goldfur wails to no one in particular. "Sunclan kicked me out and now I have no clan."

 _Goldfur begins to cry._

"N-no one is listening to me! How could they just kick me out of the clan like a basketball?"

 _Grayfur, while on a patrol, hears the wailing she cat. I'm not sure there is anyone in the clans who can't hear her._

"You don't kick a basketball you idiot." Grayfur says.

"Eww get out of my face."

"Get off Sunclan territory why don't ya?"

"Why are you such a meanie?"

"You're a jerk that's why."

"You should really respect your superiors."

"There's a reason why I'm deputy and you're not. You expect everyone to do whatever you want."

"Well that's what they should do. I should be leader because I'm the best."

"And how exactly are you going to do that without a clan?"

"I'm not telling you! I'm leaving."

"Great. I'll alert Froststar."

 _Goldfur walks away sadly. She could easily take over Sunclan because she's better than everyone, but she doesn't want to kill her "friends."_

 _Suddenly a better idea comes into her mind._

"I know! I'll make my own clan and we can take revenge! I can be Goldstar and I can go to Brightstone to get my nine lives and stuff."

 _Goldfur tries to form a clan but no one joins. I bet everyone knows why._

 _"_ Bleh." Goldfur says. She decides to go climb a try for some reason.

"I must become leader! I must steal Froststar and Grayfur."

 _What a great idea Goldfur. You should win a trophy. *I'm very sarcastic*_

"Thank you mysterious voice! You're the only one who's not a meanie!"

 _Uh Thanks._

"Come here. You can help me take over Sunclan!"

 _I can't._

"Why not?"

 _I'm a voice for one thing and for another that's not how the story goes. Grayfur becomes leader and then your niece Ivykit is leader and then Robinclaw._

"No! We are changing your story!"

 _Okay fine._

"That's better. Now to conquer Sunclan!"

 _Goldfur goes back to Sunclan. Her old clanmates are confused and annoyed._

"Guess what everyone! I'm taking over Sunclan! I'm stealing Grayfur and Froststar because they are meanies."

"No. No you're not." Froststar says.

"Why? I'd be the best leader since Sunstar. Maybe even better than him."

"Do _not_ compare yourself to Sunstar. He's the best leader this clan has ever seen!"

"Yeah you keep telling yourself that."

 _Froststar's pale face turns red with anger._

"Get your sorry little behind out of my clan."

 _Goldfur doesn't move an inch._

"You can't tell me what to do I'm not in your clan anymore."

"Maybe you aren't in my clan anymore, but you are tresspassing on Sunclan territory so get off."

"Ugh! So rude!" Goldfur scoffs.

 _Suddenly Froststar is very annoyed at Goldfur. (When is she not though?) She orders the Sunclan warriors to drive Goldfur out of the clan but not to harm her. Even the tiniest scratch makes her pretend like she's bleeding out._

"Ahh! This is no way to treat the best cat who ever lived. Ow! Why did you rip off my leg Grayfur?"

"I didn't. You stopped short and I ran into you."

"Well it really hurts. Now you have to kiss it to make it feel better."

"I'm _not_ kissing your leg!"

"Do it!"

"No. Move."

"Never!"

 _Grayfur shoves Goldfur forward until she is out of Sunclan territory._

"There. Now Marshclan can have fun with you."

"Yay! I'm getting the deluxe clan upgrade!"

 _Goldfur gets up and struts down into Marshclan territory._


	3. Chapter 3

"Ugh! You lied to me mysterious voice!"

 _It's my story. I can change anything I want to._

"Meh. I'm going into Marshclan now. Eww! It's all damp and gross in here. It also smells funny. Who's honestly so stupid to live in such a disgusting cesspool!"

 _A Marshclan patrol spots Goldfur coming down towards their camp so they question her._

"Where do you think you're going?" Asks a Marshclan warrior.

"I'm moving to your clan. Froststar kicked me out."

"Come with us."

Goldfur _is led into the camp to see Hawkstar, the clan's leader._

"So you're the famous Hawkstar?" She asks.

"Yes. Who are you?"

"I'm Goldfur, aka the best cat in the clans."

"Oh really now?"

"Yeah. I'm so glad I got the deluxe clan upgrade that doesn't include Grayfur or Froststar. Yay. But you guys could really work on cleaning up your territory. I almost stepped in some goop on the way here."

"Deluxe clan upgrade? What do you think this is an airplane? And what's so disgusting about my clan?"

"I have no idea what an airplane is and your clan is full of weird smells and sounds. I almost got attacked by a gigantic snake. Ugh can I be leader now? I'm bored with being a stupid warrior."

"You seriously think I'm going to let you waltz into my clan and become leader within a matter of minutes?"

"Yeah."

"You. Are. An. Idiot."

 _Goldfur sticks her tongue out at Hawkstar and leaves his den._

"Why is everyone so mean to me? What did I ever do to them? All I wanted was to be leader. I'm the best so it just makes sense!" She says to herself.

 _Suddenly she is being chased by a few cats. Again._

"Talk about déjà vu! This happened to me earlier!"

"Shut up or we'll destroy you." Says a warrior from behind her.

"No way! No one tells me what to do since I'm better than everyone. I could destroy you in an instant."

"Maybe one of us, but how about five?"

"When I'm leader then I can destroy all five of you."

"You do realize you're overestimating yourself? If you can defeat all five of us then why don't you try?"

"I'm not leader yet stupid. I have to find a clan that will make me leader and then I can take on all five of you."

"Oh please."

"Why won't Hawkstar make me leader?"

"Wow he's right. You are an idiot."

"Answer the question!"

"If you can't find the answer yourself then you'd have to be the most unobservant cat that ever lived!"

 _Due to the very stupid conversation the cats were having, they barely noticed that they ran all the way into another clan which is by a gulf._

"Oh no! Not the sea of bad grammah!" Goldfur recoils when she finds her paw is dipped in the water.

 _To normal cats this sea or gulf to be more accurate is just a normal gulf that you can swim and hunt in. But it ruins the perfectness of Mary Sues and Gary Stus. Many characters like Goldfur have tragically swam in there without knowing and then couldn't speak correctly again. It's not so bad if you get just your paws wet but if you get fully wet then you won't ever talk normal again and you will end up just like every perfect character before you._

"Why don't you take a swim? I hear the water's nice." An unnamed Marshclan cat says.

 _Suddenly Goldfur runs as fast as she can in the other direction for she wishes to keep her perfectness._

 _"_ I hate all these stupid people who try to ruin my perfectness! I'm going to go convince Froststar to let me back into the clan. If she doesn't I'm going to scream in her face. Bye."

 _I think Goldfur's delusional. She keeps talking to herself._

"Bleh."

* * *

 **Should I do more of these? I don't have very many ideas left though.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Quick story of why I forgot to update: Once apon a time school hit hard and I got stressed and my childlike inspiration was cut off. Then I got a virus and was bored. The end.**

For some reason Goldfur stupidily decides to go back to Sunclan again. At least this time she doesn't run into Froststar, but she does run into Lionpelt who's the clan medicine cat and his apprentice Darkpaw.

"Hi Lionpelt! Hi Darkpaw!" Goldfur says excitedly.

"What are you doing here? I thought you were banished!"

"No one can tell me what to do! And I was coming back so you could help me get my nine lives."

"Why do you want to be leader so... Ahh!"

 _Goldfur picks up Lionpelt like a kit. It isn't very hard for her with her superior strength._

 _She quickly takes him to Brightstone and the two enter the mouth of the cave. When the stone lights up Goldfur starts to become dramatic again._

"Ahh! I'm blind!" She screams.

"We can't talk!" Lionpelt hisses from behind her.

"Yes we can stupid. That's what mouths are made to do."

 _Goldfur makes a face at the medicine cat and then prepares to share dreams with Starclan._

 _When she gets up there she sees some familiar faces._

"Mommy! Daddy! Hi!" She squeals with excitement.

 _Two cats sitting a few rows from the front say hello. A cat next to them looks skeptical._

"She's yours?" He asks.

"Yeah." Says Goldfur's mom.

"I am so sorry."

A ginger tom looks up at the three cats angrily but then returns his attention to the she cat in front of him.

"Why have you come here, Goldfur?"

"I was wondering if I could have my nine lives and become leader of Sunclan. Froststar's a meanie."

The ginger tom blinks as if Goldfur is insane. Then again, she is quite close to it.

"You want to do what?"

"Are you all deaf? I said I wanted my nine lives!"

"I'm afraid we can't grant you that unless Froststar has died, which she hasn't. Even then you would have to be her chosen deputy and I don't think you two get along very well, do you?"

 _Suddenly Goldfur has a temper tantrum as if she was two moons old. It only lasted for five minutes, but it felt like fifty moons._

"I want to be leader! Now! I always get what I want but no one will give me this! Everyone is so mean!"

"Goldfur have you ever thought that everyone is supposedly mean to you because you always brag about how perfect you are? Maybe that's why no one likes you and why Froststar didn't want to choose you as deputy. Everyone hates you, Goldfur."

"No they don't you're lying!"

"Have you ever said something nice to someone?"

"Uh... no."

"What about when you were a kit? Did you let someone else be leader the next time you played that battling game?"

"I don't recall..."

"What about helping to feed the elders? Did you help with that?"

"No. I have not done any of these things."

"Then I shall give you a choice. You can either be sent back to the clans with your perfectness and suffer a life of an outcast, or you can spend the night in the northern caverns and become flawed like everyone else. You could think of others for once and you could mend the broken bonds between your friends and family. You could be happy or you could be miserable. The choice is yours Goldfur. I hope you choose wisely."

 _Just like that all of Starclan disappeared, leaving Goldfur with a decision to make._


	5. Chapter 5

**This is the Finale! I'm actually pretty happy with this ending and I hope you enjoy it!**

 **P.S. Comment if this story made you laugh!**

 _Goldfur awakes after sharing dreams with Starclan. She has no idea what to do. Keep her perfectness and abandon her loved ones, or choose to mend relationships by becoming normal._

 _Normal. Goldfur hates that word. She was never normal, how could she be? She was given the majestic gift of being perfect. She couldn't ruin that. Not ever. She knows what she must do._

 _Suddenly Lionpelt begins to stir. Goldfur completely forgot he was here._

"Oh you're up? Can you please not pick me up like a kit. It's really embarrassing." Lionpelt says.

"Sure thing." Goldfur lies before doing what he didn't want her to do.

"Hey! I thought we agreed to not do this!"

"Well I can do whatever I want so too bad. And you're really slow so I had to."

"It's called not being as young as I used to be."

"Yeah no that's called being old, and to be honest you look like, really ugly old."

"Did anyone ever teach you to respect your elders?"

"They probably did but I didn't listen."

 _Lionpelt huffs and rolls his eyes as Sunclan camp comes into view. She then drops Lionpelt next to Darkpaw who's probably her favorite cat other than herself._

"Darkpaw omg hi best friend."

"Hey Goldfur." Darkpaw knows better than to question the she cat and her oddities because she always snapped at people who did which was every other cat she has ever met. He just goes with the flow and she's nice to him.

"So do you want to go to the waterfall?"

"Sure. I want to grab a water lily there and give it to Ivyk-"

"Give it to me not my- my nice... nec..."

"Niece?"

"Yeah her she's a butt."

"She literally just came into the world last night how can you think she's annoying already?"

"Because my sister was so selfish enough not to take my name suggestions for the kits!"

"Which were?"

"Twinklekit, Beautykit, Majestickit, Shinykit, Dandelionkit, PrincessGlitterSparklekit, and Goldfur the second!"

"Wow. Those names are..."

"Great right? I think so too. But my snobby sister decided she wanted to name her own kits. Can you believe how selfish she is? She was always jealous of me because I was better than her at everything and then she just decides to ignore my name choices! She thinks she's so much better but she's not and someone needs to let her know."

 _Yeah. She's the jealous one._ Darkpaw thinks.

 _Suddenly the two cats are surrounded by seventeen dogs. Darkpaw screams._

"Oh my Starclan where did these dogs come from?"

"They appeared out of nowhere, duh. Darkpaw you act like you've never seen anything appear out of thin air before."

"That's because I haven't! What should we do?"

"You run while I hold them off with my super fighting skills."

"Sounds good." Darkpaw says while running faster than any cat could, even Goldfur and her perfectness. He goes to get help, but no one wants to help Goldfur so she is left battling the dogs by herself.

 _She runs away from the dogs to who knows where and then fights them with her advanced ninja moves. The scene would be a pretty cool action movie but unfortunately Goldfur doesn't want me to film because she says I'm not getting her good side._

 _Once the last dog's defeated Goldfur lays down to rest. What? Did you think she could fight seventeen dogs without breaking a sweat?_

 _Okay maybe she didn't break a sweat but she just feels like lying down right now._

 _Unfortunately for Goldfur she decided to lie down in the middle of the Gulf of bad grammar. She never learned how to swim, so she falls into the room temperature water saying things that are too hard to understand until she heads to Starclan._

 _The ginger tom from before is there to greet her._

 _"_ Hello Goldfur. I see you've made your decision."

"That I have. And guess what?"

"What?"

"I don't regret a thing."


End file.
